the summer ivan died
Nov. 30th, 2024 03:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
unmendable[it’s not too noticeable, to his other peers.
the creature that’s inside of Ivan can remember these things like they’re its own memories. he remembers how hard he—er, Ivan—had to work to get his expressions to seem natural; to use the correct phrases; to react discreetly when he didn’t understand something. he also remembers when Ivan’s said things kind of strangely, and how Till was the only person callous and caring enough in equal parts to correct Ivan.
so, wearing his skin, it’s not too difficult. not that he doesn’t try his best to mimic Ivan, which is odd—it’s becoming already a bit unclear. he knows he isn’t Ivan, but he feels attached to those memories. to those emotions. it’s wrong to say he’s never had emotions before…but it feels like it.
even the emotions that Ivan felt were “shallow” were so deep—so beautiful—to the creature now piloting his dead body.
in cruel irony, Ivan felt like what this creature occupying his flesh really is. for a human to feel that way is very sad, the creature thinks. even in his final moments, he’d been brazen enough to plead to something as horrifying as what was essentially this town’s boogeyman to make sure Till never had to be alone. that Ivan could still stick to him like Till’s shadow.
Ivan thought that Till wouldn’t have grieved; he thought that no one would have grieved. but when he came back from the mountain, everyone’s relief told him otherwise.
how loved Ivan was… the monster in his flesh finds it quite tragic. Ivan’s paradigm was so distorted from reality. it feels grateful, too, to have this chance at something as beautiful and mundane as human life.
Mizi and Sua are stuck to each other’s sides as always as they chat after class, who depart in the same manner. Mizi is a beautiful girl who Ivan sometimes spent time with, even though he knew Till liked her. she’s gentle, kind and emotionally intuitive—all qualities that Ivan lacks innately, both before and after death.
he likes her, but not as much as Till.
he smiles at his friend, adjusting his bag over his shoulder.]
Shall we go as well, then? I heard that Kazuyoshi-san has new ice jelly. We can get some for the walk home.
[he doesn’t care particularly for sweets—but he knows that Ivan did.]
My treat.
[he thinks it’s a ruse—but it seems like a ritual, that Ivan always has to make up some kind of bribe to get to hang out with Till alone.]
the creature that’s inside of Ivan can remember these things like they’re its own memories. he remembers how hard he—er, Ivan—had to work to get his expressions to seem natural; to use the correct phrases; to react discreetly when he didn’t understand something. he also remembers when Ivan’s said things kind of strangely, and how Till was the only person callous and caring enough in equal parts to correct Ivan.
so, wearing his skin, it’s not too difficult. not that he doesn’t try his best to mimic Ivan, which is odd—it’s becoming already a bit unclear. he knows he isn’t Ivan, but he feels attached to those memories. to those emotions. it’s wrong to say he’s never had emotions before…but it feels like it.
even the emotions that Ivan felt were “shallow” were so deep—so beautiful—to the creature now piloting his dead body.
in cruel irony, Ivan felt like what this creature occupying his flesh really is. for a human to feel that way is very sad, the creature thinks. even in his final moments, he’d been brazen enough to plead to something as horrifying as what was essentially this town’s boogeyman to make sure Till never had to be alone. that Ivan could still stick to him like Till’s shadow.
Ivan thought that Till wouldn’t have grieved; he thought that no one would have grieved. but when he came back from the mountain, everyone’s relief told him otherwise.
how loved Ivan was… the monster in his flesh finds it quite tragic. Ivan’s paradigm was so distorted from reality. it feels grateful, too, to have this chance at something as beautiful and mundane as human life.
Mizi and Sua are stuck to each other’s sides as always as they chat after class, who depart in the same manner. Mizi is a beautiful girl who Ivan sometimes spent time with, even though he knew Till liked her. she’s gentle, kind and emotionally intuitive—all qualities that Ivan lacks innately, both before and after death.
he likes her, but not as much as Till.
he smiles at his friend, adjusting his bag over his shoulder.]
Shall we go as well, then? I heard that Kazuyoshi-san has new ice jelly. We can get some for the walk home.
[he doesn’t care particularly for sweets—but he knows that Ivan did.]
My treat.
[he thinks it’s a ruse—but it seems like a ritual, that Ivan always has to make up some kind of bribe to get to hang out with Till alone.]
